Silence is Golden
Wind chimes singing. Birds chirping. The rustle of leaves in the trees. A fly buzzing by. Distant road noise and a farm tractor.
It’s never completely silent in my little corner of the world. It is peaceful and devoid of the cacophony of other people for most of the day – other than the local farmers going about their work and our little dog showing his indignation, as dogs do.
I’ve mentioned the trait of high sensitivity in previous editions of A Balanced Life and not gone through what this looks like for me, and for many others who sit on the extreme of the trait.
It’s useful information, whether you’re struggling in a world not designed for sensitive people or you want to help make life a little easier for the HSPs in your life.
I only discovered the trait a few years ago. It was one of those massive ‘aha’ moments when everything crystalised. It explained so much.
About fifteen to twenty percent of the world’s population, human and animal, has the trait of high sensitivity. It’s an evolutionary trait that enables us to sense danger, find food, and help the majority to survive. It’s both a blessing and a curse, particularly in our modern world.
I’m on the furthest end of the sensitivity spectrum and have become more sensitive as I’ve aged. It meant living with my nervous system running at full tilt, in constant fight mode, because I was completely unaware of being overloaded by all the information from my heightened senses.
I now know it’s essential to spend substantial portions of my day in peace, without the noise of other people.
For an HSP the “noise” from others isn’t just what we hear, it’s everything else as well – the emotions that other people are experiencing, the colours, the smells, even the touch of clothing. We pick up all this additional information and end up like a saturated sponge, sodden and bogged down.
There are degrees of sensitivity, from those who sense emotions or have particularly sensitive taste buds, to those of us whose every sense is heightened. We can feel what others are feeling, colours are brighter, and our sense of touch makes softness delightful and roughness torture. We sense the energy of everything, from the natural world to electronics.
Scents are heavenly or utterly overpowering and revolting! Someone’s smell, whether that’s their natural odour or an artificial scent, can bring on an instant headache and make my eyes water.
Being among people, especially crowds of people in a noisy place, is a massive assault for an HSP, and one I avoid because it’s just not worth the resulting exhaustion. When I am in a crowd, I try to keep myself back against a wall, so I’m not being buffeted from all sides.
Recently, I was in a crowded café. It’s a regular haunt as I meet a friend there, and it’s usually not too busy. Unfortunately, I’d forgotten about a main road diversion. Most of the traffic was funnelling past this café and people were stopping for a coffee or meal, which meant the place was packed – great for the owners and not so good for me!
The only seat was in the centre of the café. People were shoving behind me and all around, the stereo was blaring, and the chatter was a hawker’s market Gallah gathering battering ram. The smells – don’t get me started.
I’d normally leg it, which wasn’t an option, and I enjoyed catching up with my friend. The result, however, was crushing exhaustion as I drove away, so exhausted I probably shouldn’t have driven home. I was a write-off for anything other than rest and quiet pottering for several days afterwards.
Modern life is a battle for plenty of people. For those with high sensitivity, it can be almost impossible to function. I’ve finally got to a stage in life where I can surround myself with peace, and nature, and selectively choose when and where I go, and who I interact with.
The trait has massive challenges and offers incredible benefits to those who have it and learn to manage the negative effects.
There’s a huge opportunity to provide workplaces that foster the positive aspects the trait can add. An employee attuned to the people around them, who can sense and see connections, challenges, and issues well before anyone else, is a valuable team member.
Providing flexible working environments and schedules, having quiet spaces and places for highly sensitive employees, and valuing their contributions can benefit the business and all the employees. Understanding how your people work best, whether they have the trait or not, will improve the workplace culture and productivity.
I’m at the furthest end of the spectrum when it comes to sensitivity and I have the trait of high sensation seeking as well, so I’ve thrown myself into major challenges and then suffered the consequences of an overwhelmed nervous system. Learning about the traits, and how to manage them more effectively, has made life easier.
Taking the time to understand the trait of high sensitivity, and if you’re an employer, fostering an environment that’s considerate of the needs of your people, including those with the trait, will benefit everyone.
Understanding your child or spouse is highly sensitive will make a world of difference in everyone’s life. It’s worth finding out more, and there’s an easy self-test you can take to see where you fall on the sensitivity spectrum.
More information on The Highly Sensitive Person is available from Dr Elaine Aron’s website. Another great resource is Julie Bjelland’s website and podcast. I went through Julie’s Brain Training course, and it was transformative.