Something Scary
All it takes is a moment of inattention, a slight deviation from the norm, and everything can change instantly.
I hooked my big toe in my loose pant leg on the second step down from our bedroom. Pitching forward, I grabbed at the balustrade wires, twisting and straining to stay on my feet.
Thankfully, I slammed into the painting on the landing wall nine steps down, smashing the glass to smithereens while miraculously not cutting myself to pieces and having no more than some massive black bruises, wrenched muscles, and a whole lot of adrenalin pumping through my body.
Resting quietly with some ice afterward, I marvelled at how close I’d come to doing something far more damaging and changing the course of my life in that one moment.
Not long after, I was reading a message online about doing something daily that scares you. It got me thinking while nursing my bruises. Do I really need to be scared every day?
My little incident was a great lesson in mindfulness and gratitude – I’ve been considerably more attentive and deliberate about my actions since last week’s trip and exceptionally grateful it wasn’t worse, and I had the strength to keep myself from falling headlong.
It scared the hell out of me and I started thinking about all the things I’ve thrown myself into over the years, pushing myself beyond my imagined limits, and doing what scares me.
Whether I was stepping into roles that I’d never done and faking it ‘til I made it or climbing mountains for fun, I’ve pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone, and done that scary thing. Standing in front of a hall full of people night after night trying to sell my virtues during an election or facing an angry crowd on a marae is terrifying.
They say to do something that scares you every day as a prompt to push yourself beyond self-imposed limits and there’s merit in setting goals and striving for them. I have one or two big ones, notably earning an income from writing my work (instead of writing for others, which I’ve done for 30 years) while growing produce for ourselves and selling.
Then there’s the property development work I’m doing intending to eventually host weekend retreats, writer’s retreats, and boutique weddings.
All these goals require me to work from home and not earn while I get things moving. Living off one income is scary in the current economic climate and I need all the faith I have in myself to keep believing I can do it.
Doing all those other scary things in the past gives me the confidence to back myself. I’ve proven, time and time again, that I can do whatever I set my mind to even when it scares me silly.
I am doing something that scares me daily – backing myself, working on our gardens, growing vegetables, fruits, and flowers to sell, writing, and developing our property while trying to maintain balance and keep paying the mortgage. I don’t need to add more scary things!
After a lifetime of doing what scares me, it’s easier to manage the fear and live in the moment, and that’s what the saying is all about; building resilience and self-confidence. The more you push yourself, the greater your tolerance for whatever life throws at you.
Like all things, there’s a balance between doing scary and living at ease. Continuously pushing beyond your limits can become overwhelming and living in a state of fear and anxiety is harmful – I know, I’ve done it.
I manage the uncertainty with daily gratitude and mindfulness, living in the moment. I also break things down. My goals have time frames, five-year, two-year, one-year, and monthly.
When I begin to feel overwhelmed or panicked about our finances I take some deep breaths and do a mental list of the things I’m grateful for in that moment. Then I put things into context – I have five years to work on developing the property etc. I prioritise my days based on the time frames I’ve set and adjust as required.
In the meantime, we’ve adjusted our budgets and cut out all but the bare necessities. It’s a great way to live and we’re grateful to own a slice of paradise.
Do I need to be scared every day? Not really. I need goals that support the life I want, now and into the future. If you’re happy in life, feel fulfilled, and have a purpose, you’ve probably achieved the balance between pushing yourself and being at ease.
Doing something scary, pushing beyond your self-imposed limits, pays dividends. It builds confidence and achieving your goals will help to create the life you want. Finding ease while doing the scary thing, now that’s the real trick and I’m definitely still working on it.