Step three – Get it out!
Our white furry children have distraction down to an art form. You’ll be busy doing something and they’ll arrive, demanding to be groomed, patted, or fed, often all three at once.
They’re entitled Persians, and like all cats and dogs, they live in the moment. I envy that about them and am working to emulate their fine example.
There are plenty of ways to wind yourself into knots, which is the antithesis of self-care. Being in a continuous state of chaos with a million things running through your head creates a stress response in your body.
I don’t know about you, but when I’m stressed I don’t function at my best. Getting all up in my head leads to neglecting the practices that help me live my best life and be my best self. I start spinning like a top until I inevitably crash, exhausted, having achieved a fraction of what I hoped.
There are a few practical tools to quiet the noise and calm your nervous system, each one of which is an act of self-care, which helps foster self-love. The basic tools I use are:
Breathing techniques
Grounding
Journalling
Talking it through
Meditation
Breathing Techniques
Years of practicing yoga taught me to breathe correctly, and several simple techniques to calm my nervous system. I wasn’t always great at using them when I was younger, to my detriment, but as I decided to shift from being in a heightened state – also known as calming the “F” down – I’ve used these techniques constantly.
The first key technique I use is remembering to consciously breathe into my lower abdomen as I breathe in, and exhale fully. It’s called diaphragmatic breathing. The easiest way to check to start with is to sit comfortably, or lie on the floor, place a hand on your tummy and as you breathe in your hand will rise and fall as you breathe out.
A large proportion of people breathe the opposite way around and by doing this technique regularly, you retrain your body to breathe correctly. It means you’re getting more oxygen into your body to improve how it functions, including managing stress.
The second breathing technique I use for overwhelm is to breathe in for a count of four, hold for two, and breathe out for a count of seven. I do this for a minute or two, and it consistently helps calm me down.
Healthline also has a great post about various breathing techniques for relieving stress that are worth checking out to see if any feel right.
Grounding
This one might sound a bit airy-fairy but it works for me. It’s about bringing awareness into the present moment by focusing on your senses – what you can hear, see, smell, feel, and taste.
Good old Healthline has a list of 30 grounding techniques, but they all work on the same premise. You’re doing whatever it takes to engage your senses to bring you into the present moment.
I used to bring a kaffir lime with me when I worked in a stressful environment all day. At times of high stress, I’d grab it and squeeze, sniffing the aroma. Kaffir limes are pungent, so I had the benefit of feeling the lime in my hand, with all its knobby skin, and then smelling the aroma.
I’d follow that with some deep breaths, exactly as I described above, and this usually helped calm me in the moment so I could make better decisions and listen, rather than impulsively reacting.
The other main grounding technique I use is getting out into nature. The feel of soil on your hands, the smell of trees, the sound of birds; every aspect of nature engages our senses and will ground you in the present.
Journalling
Writing things down is my therapy. I work through all the issues spinning in my head by writing them out and fact-checking – am I spinning about something in the future based on false assumptions, for example?
Many people aren’t into writing where someone else may inadvertently see it, or they don’t like writing. Journalling doesn’t have to be written – it could be visual, lists, or you can record yourself talking on your phone.
I’ve been known to record myself when I’m out walking. It’s a great way to process my thoughts and will lead to ideas for A Balanced Life!
Spinning in the wee small hours is a common complaint for many, particularly women. I’ve found it easier to have a pen and paper handy to jot down whatever is bugging me as I’ll fall asleep once I know it’s all out and can be dealt with at a reasonable hour.
Talk it through
This one is pretty self-explanatory. There’s nothing like having someone you trust to talk things through and gain clarity and a little perspective. Whether it’s a spouse, family member, friend, or therapist, talking about your stresses will help get them out!
Meditation
It’s become somewhat trendy to practice meditation, and for good reason. Ongoing daily practice cultivates the art of seeing your thoughts as just that; thoughts. Neither good nor bad, thoughts are just one part of us and we have the power to act on them, or not.
For me, meditation is firstly about connecting to my breath. Stopping long enough to see my breath flowing naturally. While you’re doing this thoughts inevitably pop into your head – the to-do lists, the chores, money worries... It’s natural.
Thoughts come and they go. The practice is seeing the thoughts and then watching them float away, then as you make time to do this more often, you can sense the thoughts coming and return to your breath before they arise.
Honestly, I’ve never been more advanced in the practice than this and it helps me feel calmer. I use a visualization when a persistent thought pops into my head – I see it pinned to a board, ready to be picked up once I’m done.
There are thousands of meditation apps and guided meditations online. Take a look and try some out. Even ten minutes a day can make a difference to your entire outlook on life.
None of these techniques needs to take much time or be complicated. Pick up what resonates and give it a try, and if that doesn’t feel right, try something else.
Any practice is meant to help reduce stress, not increase it. Giving yourself time to get out of your head, and stop the spinning by using whatever works, is an act of self-love, and your homework this week is to try at least one of these when you feel overwhelmed.
Let me know how you get on.
Next week we’ll cover joyful movement, another key component to reducing stress, practicing self-love, and creating a balanced life.