Ultimate Battle

I’m writing the final battle scene in my current sci-fi/fantasy novel and while it’s tricky, it’s not half as complex as the battle I waged on myself for so many years.

Finding my balance post-war. (Image copyright: J M Yeoman.)

I was in a vicious war. The more I treated my body as a battleground, the worse the symptoms became and on, and on, and on.

The result of all this warring was ongoing ill health and injuries. My poor nervous system was constantly in fight mode, which created a cascading effect of physiological responses, affecting all aspects of my physical and mental health.

I had periods of high function, where I’d get as much done as possible and then I’d crash, either becoming sick, or I’d injure myself, or be so burnt out that I could barely move, and my mental health would suffer.

Only my husband saw the depths of my periods of depression, the days where I could barely drag myself out of bed, and even then I largely kept it hidden from him. He’s also the only person who has seen what chronic fatigue looks like for me, bone-crushing, cannot move fatigue.

After all this warring I’ve finally waved the white flag. I want peace and I’m figuring out my version of a balanced life. It’s taken a lot to accept and love all parts of myself as an integrated whole, exactly as I am.

How did I do it?

Well, I’m still working on it!

The basic answer is one small step at a time and I love this list from Psych Central (this article goes on to explain how you do these things – and no, I don’t receive any affiliate payments for this link):

1. Forgive yourself

2. Practice self-compassion

3. Use present-moment awareness and mindfulness

4. Acknowledge and love your abilities

5. Ignore your inner critic

6. Connect with loved ones who appreciate you

7. Move on from disappointments

8. Gain perspective on your limitations

These are all great ways to work towards self-acceptance and the things I work through by journalling. It takes time and dedication to change the habits of a lifetime and these steps to building self-acceptance are just one part of building a loving relationship with myself.

To end the battle of all battles, I follow some practical, and often challenging steps.

1. Time

2. Daily Gratitude

3. Get it out

4. Joyful movement

5. Declutter

6. Nutrition

7. Reduce/remove artificial stimulants

I’ll go into each of these in upcoming issues of A Balanced Life. My goal is to create a library of detailed resources for my paid subscribers, but I’m always aware that it’s not feasible for everyone to pay a subscription (which helps pay my bills and I’m grateful for the support of any paid subscriber), so I’ll continue to share all the basics free.

Here’s the first practical step and the rest will follow in coming editions, which I’ll release between Thursday to Saturday. My regular editions sent early in the week, will continue to cover all aspects of a balanced life and anything else that pops into my head.

Please become a free subscriber and not miss an edition. I’ll let you know when more detail is available for paid subscribers.

The Gift of Time

Pulling back from the world into my hermit shell and gifting myself the time to just be, is the greatest gift.

While most people are unlikely to want, or even need, to remove themselves from the world as much as I have, give yourself at least a little time daily, without busyness, without a lot of noise, without to-do lists, to just be.

It will take some organisation to achieve this, which means scheduling time.

There will always be competing interests for your precious time, but here’s the thing, who benefits if you crash and burn? If the toll of constantly being there for everyone else finally has to be paid and you end up sick, or injured, which inevitably happens, then what?

Schedule time for yourself, to get out into nature, have a bath, lie down with a book, meditate – I know, I’m stretching it here. The idea is to take even 10 minutes daily for yourself, and preferably longer, to stop everything and just be.

Once you start, you may find that you need more time, and then it’s a case of looking at your priorities. Figure out:

• What you have to do – no one else can actively do this.

• What can be moved down the list – you need to do this but it can wait a bit longer.

• What can be handed over – someone else can actively do this.

• What can you quietly and efficiently extricate yourself from – it’s okay to say no or change your mind about a commitment.

Un-busy your life, say no more often, and you’ll get more done while feeling much better because you’re signalling to yourself that you’re worth it.

You’re worth your time.

I know people who have every minute of every day scheduled. If that works for you, and among all those appointments at least one is a block of time for yourself, great. Like everything, there’s a balance and a case of finding what works best for you, so experiment.

It’s not easy to give yourself time, especially when we’re used to running full tilt every minute of every day. Stopping, relaxing, and doing something for yourself, can feel criminal and impossible.

Here’s the thing - it’s not. Being constantly overwhelmed isn’t doing you or your loved ones any favours because no one is ever getting the best of you.

How does giving yourself time help you build a better relationship with yourself?

You’re investing in your joy, your health, and your well-being. Do that often enough and you’ll rediscover what you love and who you are. You’re also reducing stress and its physical symptoms, which will help you feel much better about yourself and the world.

It’s as simple as that.

Giving myself time to heal, and then starting to work on all the other small steps, means I’m walking into a new way of being, which includes being at peace with myself.

So, give yourself the gift of time and see what happens next.